CCAR RESPONSA
New American Reform Responsa
220. Necklace or a Ring at a Wedding
QUESTION: A couple about to be married has asked whether they must use a ring during the ceremony. The bride in this instance cannot for health reasons wear a ring upon her finger. May the groom give her a brooch, necklace or some other item of jewelry? (Nancy Adelson, Pittsburgh PA) ANSWER: The wedding ring is symbolic of the object of value exchanged in order to legalize the wedding. This was one of the ways in which the marriage according to tradition could be entered. The three ways of effecting a marriage cited by the Talmud are: through a document, through money, or by intercourse (Kid 2a; Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 25.4). (a) The most common form featured a deed witnessed by two competent individuals and handed by the groom to the bride (Kid 9a; Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 32.1-4). This has remained the essential covenant of the modern wedding. The deed is the modern ketubah signed by two witnesses. (b) In addition, it was possible to effect a marriage through the transfer of an item of value (kesef) in the presence of two competent witnesses. This remains as part of the modern wedding in the form of presenting a ring with the formula “harei at mequdeshet….” (Kid 2a, b; Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 27.1). (c) Finally, marriage can be effected through intercourse (biah) preceded by a statement indicating the wish to take this woman as wife in the presence of two witnesses who saw the couple leave for a private place (Kid 9b; Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 33.1). The last method was severely frowned upon by the rabbis, but, bediavad, it is valid. Marriage simply through intercourse with proper intent would be akin to “common law” marriage. The transfer of an object of value now usually takes the form of a ring; it is normally plain in order to avoid the problems of determining the precise value of a stone (Kid 9a; Tur and Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 31.2). Any other object of value may also be used; it need not be in the form of jewelry. A silk garment was considered appropriate according to Rabenu Tam (Tos to Kid 9a). Earlier sources accepted perishables too. A brooch or necklace is perfectly appropriate for the wedding even without health considerations which I have not felt necessary to discuss.December 1990
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