CCAR RESPONSA
Contemporary American Reform Responsa
160. Non-Jewish Participation in Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Service*
QUESTION: A child of a mixed marriage is about to be
Bar Mitzvah. It is customary for the parents to participate in the service. Would it be
possible for the non-Jewish parent to also participate? In this instance, the father is Christian and
the mother is Jewish. Are there any limits on participation? (Rabbi L. Mahrer, Topeka,
KS)ANSWER: The general question has been answered in a responsum entitled,
“Participation of Non-Jews in a Jewish Public Service” (W. Jacob, American Reform
Responsa, #6). We must now turn to specific participation in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
service. In this instance, the non-Jewish spouse has been very much involved in raising the child
and may or may not have been somewhat active in Jewish life. It is clear that we want to include
the non-Jewish spouse in order to make him continue to feel at home in the synagogue and to
emphasize the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a family occasion. There are, however, limits in which
our Reform tradition and good judgment would indicate. We would recommend the following
procedure: 1. It would be inappropriate for the non-Jewish spouse to lead the major
segments of our service, to proclaim the traditional berakhot, or phrases like, “Who has
commanded us” or “Who has chosen us.” Such statements which express specific Jewish
sentiments and ideas should only be recited by Jews. A minority of the
Responsa Committee felt that a non-Jewish spouse should not participate in any portion
of the formal service, but that such participation should be restricted to a personal prayer or
statement directly connected with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. In that way family feelings and the
bond between parents and children could be stressed while remaining completely honest about
the nature of this service which is specifically Jewish. Some members of the
committee felt that participation in the earlier part of the service is appropriate if restricted
to: a. some specific psalms or responsive readings; b. to the preliminary
portions of the service before the formal service begins, i.e., before the
barkhu; c. special prayers which are normally not found in the
liturgy. One member of the committee felt that it would be better to involve the non-
Jew in all aspects of the service in which a Jewish family member is normally involved and
simply change the blessing or prayers to conform with his status as a non-Jew through some
neutral wording.2. The non-Jewish partner should not be involved in the removal of the
Torah from the Ark and handing it to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It would be
inappropriate to involve the non-jewish parent in this ritual as it is frequently accompanied by a
statement indicating the transmission of the Jewish tradition from one generation to another.
Even if nothing is said, the act itself indicates that transmission which can, of course, not occur
from a non-Jew to a Jew. Therefore, the Jewish spouse should be involved in this ritual or it
should be omitted. One member of the Committee felt that such participation by a non-Jew was
appropriate.3. Some private words or prayers at an appropriate point during the
Torah service should be permitted to the non-Jewish parent. In summary, we
therefore recommend that participation of non-Jews in a Bar/Bat Mitzvah service
be sharply restricted with one member of the committee feeling that segments of the service
normally recited by a parent be modified to suit his non-Jewish statusJuly 1983
If needed, please consult Abbreviations used in CCAR Responsa.